Canadian

It may not rank up there with the Battle of Waterloo, the sinking of the Titanic, or Custer’s Last Stand, but it will rank high among the Canadian Curling establishment and its fans for a long time to come.

That would be none other than Kevin Martin’s loss to the Scots in the 2009 Ford World Curling Championship at Moncton. How could all these talented Canadian teams, the men’s, ladies, and juniors all go down in the same year? Kevin Martin, the unbeatable juggernaut, Jennifer Jones, the comeback gal - but it was not to be. Any money on Martin seemed 100% safer than the stock market, but as baseball great Yogi Berra once said “It ain't over 'til it's over.”

Such was the case in the 10th end of the Canada vs Scotland game. They took as much time as committee members to discussing their options, and then, like a committee, Martin ditched his 1st rock, and stunned the nation. Then came up short on his last rock while his entire team curled 5% better throughout the game. Curling country at that moment was blown away, if not a little angry.

But fear not, my sidekick Terry, and I have a solution to this dilemma.

A few changes will be required at the Canadian Curling Association level, but we don’t see that as an issue. It could be done by bringing in a few T.V. game show features. Using the lifeline strategies of “Who wants to become a Millionaire” we would offer 3 lifeline options:

1. The 50-50 option, whereby 2 rocks that are in play from each team could be removed, causing less consternation for all.

2. The audience result screen would indicate their preference for: a draw, take out, bum up, or guard. This would help in clearing out the cobwebs in the skip’s mind.

3. Call a curling buddy (one with a Blackberry), so he/she can size up your dilemma on their tiny screen, and then advise you where the closest Liquor Mart is should you blow your shot.

Does it have possibilities? You bet!

Because these options would surely favour Canadians, we could once again dominate the World Curling scene.

GOUGING

There are more symptoms to this economic turndown than mosquitoes on a good Manitoba summer day. All the theories of the economic gurus, pundits, brokers, and panhandlers are being shot to pieces like so many clay pigeons at a skeet shoot. Well, just pick a theory, any theory, and you will surely have uncovered another symptom of the current economic quandary. I say quandary as it is defined as: “a state of uncertainty or indecision as to what to do in a difficult situation.” Wonderful!
The big words being used now are "bailout" and "stimulus". I think this was so brilliantly explained in our previous e-mail article of Feb 23 /09.
My spin on all of this has to do with “gouging” and its multiple meanings, such as skimming, scalping, pilfering, inflating, and ripping off, of the general public and each other in all manner of forms.
Let’s begin with entertainment and sports ticket purchases from Ticket Master. These are redirected from the main Ticketmaster site to a subsidiary that charges more. Most jurisdictions do not allow the sale of tickets for more than their face value (dreadful). Then you have the various agents of the Lottery Commissions across Canada thinking they have more entitlement to winning lottery tickets than you do. They are employing all sorts of schemes telling you that you didn’t win anything, and are cashing in your winnings. (dreadful). Then you have badly managed muli-billion dollar sports franchises that have owners/managers that must have all been auctioneers in a former lifetime, the way they outbid each other for players. Baseball’s Rodriguez and the Yankees agreed to a 10 year, $275 million contract. This contract is the richest contract in baseball history. Okay, so this is in the good old U.S.A , but you get the picture. That’s probably equal to the G.N.P. of Vatican City (dreadful). Back to basics and your average home buyer, if there is such an animal anymore. All housing prices literally went through the roof because buyers didn’t know a fixer upper from India’s Taj Mahal. They threw money at realtors like it was wedding confetti, and the realtors treated it in the same way, brushed it off and looked for the next naïve victim. Thus realtors, mortgage lenders, and insurance companies benefited big time, when caution was deleted like a virus from the English language and dictionary, along with prudent business acumen. (dreadful). Then you have that other North American favourite the “Oil companies” whose explanations defy 99.9% of the rest of the world’s logic on petrol pricing. Filling our gas tanks over the last few years, gives us first hand exposure to their scheming methods. They operate as State/Nations unto themselves and have the ability to cripple any country or the World at their pleasure. They were well on their way prior to the 2008 fall economic collapse. With their steadily increasing gas prices, they brought the entire economy to a dead halt on their own, without any help from any other economic engines (dreadful). Then we have the high roller investment sellers and brokers whose only vested interest, it seems is their commissions. It doesn’t really matter what is sold, as long as it pays a commission. It can be anything from junk bonds and stock, to off shore crap shoots, not to mention the pyramid investment operators (dreadful). We need go no further than our own community, Morden, for this phenomenon. When the pipe liners arrived, all matter of goods, services, and accommodation suddenly became dearer. Current tenants were tossed out of their rooms and suites, for the higher paying pipe liners.(dreadful). We are all, to varying degrees, guilty of this gouging virus, and there seems to be no solution. Does it sound like I’m on a rant? Indeed I am. Let’s hope we see our way through this man- made mess.

A public open letter to:

Mr Doug Wurch

Director, MTS/Allstream Retail Planning & Development.

Why do you continue to hit on, and harass, the five to six hundred customers in the Morden area who, do not wish or intend to pay your silly punitive $1.50 service charge? Are you not receiving full payment from them now? Has your Buffalo public relations section run roughshod over the entire MTS/Allstream operation? You would think by now, you would have come to realize it has been nothing but a total failure. Banks also have service charges, but we have the option of using alternative banks. No such luck with land based phone service in this area. You snuffed that out by buying up Valley Cable. Sending out monthly harassment notices to customers, at approximately $300.00 a month to recover $900.00 worth of illegitimate service charges, would seem absurd to a majority of business service providers. What do you hope to gain by employing these draconian tactics?

950 on your dial

With the passing of American icon (?) Paul Harvey, I thought it timely to suggest that perhaps now would be the time to have a Canadian commentator and observer be a part of Southern Manitoba’s airwaves. In this regard, I contacted Golden West Broadcasting, as they had aired Harvey’s news comments and The Rest of the Story on CFAM 950.
With approximately eight hours of the day devoted to eight American show hosts and pastors, I felt this was not an unreasonable stance to take. Mr. Elmer Hildebrand, C.E.O. of Golden West responded to my e-mail, and indicated that their focus is on local news with an experienced news staff.
Fair enough, but what does this have to do with attempting to showcase Canadian commentators, with their observations and insights? Mr. Hildebrand’s response was, “ On the national scene in Canada we have not been able to find anyone with the standing of a Paul Harvey...even though we have been looking for one for decades”. Pretty feeble effort on your part I’d say. We have local talent, but no national talent? That type of pontificating is more than the average intelligent Canadian mind can comprehend. Good Day!

The 81st Academy Awards

I had intended to pass on the 81st Academy Awards, but somehow my mind got lured into it. My days of seeing every film, and keeping up on the Hollywood crowd has passed. The only exception would be 007 James Bond, and he’s more Pinewood Studios than Hollywood oriented. So I am not familiar with the current crop of actresses, and their activities to remain in the limelight. Names like Nicole Kidman, Cate Blanchett, Halle Berry, Gwyneth Paltrow, and Kate Winslet are all just a blur to me. I’m still stuck in the Faye Dunaway, Raquel Welsh, Bo Derek, Ursula Andress, and Julie Christie time frame. However, I believe I have seen enough films over the years to comment on Kate Winslet's "best actress" performance in “The Reader”. If you take out all the sex scenes and bathing scenes, with what are you left? Only some court scenes and bicycling scenes, which hardly add up to a searing Academy performance. But I guess after receiving six previous nominations and not winning, the seventh one is automatic. I have not seen the other nominees' movies, but surely the other four candidates portrayed more dramatic and compelling roles. But if this is considered the Oscar performance, why would I want to see the others?

Stimulas Bill

Just recieved this e-mail providing a simple explanation of the Stimulas Bill.

Shortly after class, an economics student approaches his economics professor and says, "I don't understand this stimulus bill. Can you explain it to me?"
The professor replied, "I don't have any time to explain it at my office, but if you come over to my house on Saturday and help me with my weekend project, I'll be glad to explain it to you." The student agreed.
At the agreed-upon time, the student showed up at the professor's house. The professor stated that the weekend project involved his backyard pool.
They both went out back to the pool, and the professor handed the student a bucket. Demonstrating with his own bucket, the professor said, "First, go over to the deep end, and fill your bucket with as much water as you can." The student did as he was instructed.
The professor then continued, "Follow me over to the shallow end, and then dump all the water from your bucket into it." The student was naturally confused, but did as he was told.
The professor then explained they were going to do this many more times, and began walking back to the deep end of the pool.
The confused student asked, "Excuse me, but why are we doing this?"
The professor matter-of-factly stated that he was trying to make the shallow end much deeper.
The student didn't think the economics professor was serious, but figured that he would find out the real story soon enough.
However, after the 6th trip between the shallow end and the deep end, the student began to become worried that his economics professor had gone mad. The student finally replied, "All we're doing is wasting valuable time and effort on unproductive pursuits. Even worse, when this process is all over, everything will be at the same level it was before, so all you'll really have accomplished is the destruction of what could have been a truly productive action!"
The professor put down his bucket and replied with a smile, "Congratulations. You now understand the stimulus bill."
(The best of "the e-mails")

"Woody Flex"

Ahhhhhh!!!……. the Ford "Flex"! I finally saw one in the flesh (metal) the other day. It caught my eye enough to search for it on the internet. The site describes it as …."something different, unique, all new crossover, radically bold, boxy, eye-catching design". All these superlatives are just rolling off the tongue at Ford’s promotion assembly line. Well Henry, dear Henry, I think it’s more like……"Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed, Something Blue." For all those young Ford engineers and designers, please know the Flex was around in 1947, but it was then called the “Woody”. If you slapped wood grain panels on this 2009 Ford Flex, you would have the 47/09 “Woody Flex” of today. I think Ford has taken a line from James Bond, in that they may have "shaken" their product line, but "not stirred" their imaginations. Now the Ford Motor Company hasn’t requested any bailout money yet, so I guess they are banking all of their money and hopes on the Flex. Check the pictures below, and I think you will agree that this is just the reincarnation of the same old, same old, with a bit of a twist.

1947 Ford "Woody"

2009 Ford Flex

The fake wood is an aftermarket add-on. Available in any color you can get your Flex in, it looks as cool as it can in black with the black roof.